He
who Assumes...
From the November 2005 Issue of Success Matters
by Pauline Edward
Since
this is the month of Scorpio, and Scorpio is the sign
of inner change and transformation, let's see if we
can use some of this energy to modify and heal a common
behaviour that can cause delays and restrictions to
our progress.
Have
you ever made an assumption concerning what another
person was thinking about you, only to find out later
how absolutely off the mark you were? I believe this
is something of which we are all guilty at one time
or another. You thought that so-and-so didn't like you,
but then you found out that they were simply afraid
to approach you... Dislike and fear are quite different
motivators for one person avoiding another!
I've
noticed in consultation how deeply these incorrect assumptions
can affect a person's behaviour, sometimes severely
limiting their growth. In such cases no amount of encouragement
or acknowledgment of their skills and abilities can
remove the blockages to their progress. I've seen people
turn down excellent career opportunities because they
feared how people would perceive them. Generally, these
opportunities involve some form of expansion of social
duties, including dealing with groups, speaking, teaching
or training.
In
order to address this issue, what is required is a repositioning
of the vantage point. Instead of thinking strictly from
within yourself, imagine what the other person might
actually be thinking. If appropriate, test your theories
by asking them what they were thinking. You will be
surprised to find that most of the time, the other person's
attention is on personal issues: a problem at work,
concerns about a personal relationship, or something
as mundane as I have to get to the bank on time or else
my bills won't be paid and I'll have to pay a late fee
and I hate paying late fees... The truth of the matter
is that nine times out of ten, if not more, the other
person isn't thinking about you at all!
Perhaps
it's menopausal wisdom finally setting it, or some might
think menopausal madness! but I have found that the
less I worry about what others might be thinking, the
more free I feel in the pursuit of my projects. Truth
be told, I enjoy freedom!
The
next time you are inclined to make an assumption about
what someone might be thinking about you, and if you
cannot stop yourself from doing so, why not assume something
positive? Imagine that they will be intrigued by your
ideas, or entertained by your presentation, or pleasantly
distracted from their problems for a few minutes. A
positive assumption may be no more accurate than a negative
one, but it will certainly help you break out of your
resistance to progress
|
